On Rewind

I just opened my email account and read through several sent messages in the past.

I am just taken aback by everything i have written.

I guess i cannot enlighten anyone about this as you cannot read those emails but i am just writing here to record in retrospect about my thoughts on my personal life.

It is no surprise i needed a long hard break from all of it. Not a person, but people. Not a place, but places. Not a memory, but memories.

I get it now why life has been like its turned backwards while i take a hundred steps back and say no to forward strides.

Why such a big deal, why so much self-pity.

It is a great surprise i did everything i have done with everything in me just for everything to have been snatched out of my grasp as it should've, turning one eye blind to effort and all the sweat and tears. I didn't feel pity. I felt like my brokenness was something to be overcome with all that i was and all that i had.

I went on a movie date yesterday and we watched avatar.

One part of the movie reminded me greatly of life. The part when jake and grace wanted to help The People and came back to them only to be chained up and not listened to.

I was cracking my head reflecting its familiarity and it occurred to me that the concept of it was just all too active in the life i used to live.

Why should i always fight not to be heard?

Why should i always stay moulding things that are not going to take its shape?

Life should really see and believe the measure of effort, rather than the outcome.

Because that way, we would be viewed as people with substance rather than people who have it all by doing absolutely nothing.

White Christmas

OK so i guess by now the world knows it's snowing in most of the UK.

If the world doesn't know, the world must not have many facebook friends!

So far i think i am the only one that hasn't made a big deal out of this. This is because everywhere i go people are so overexcited it freaking makes me sick! heheheh

I am just this way. I don't choose to do what everyone does because it makes me likeeeee everyone else!

In fact, my first impression of people who are too similar to me instantly converts to hate. WTF. hahahahahah

But fear not, for first impressions usually erode and they become something a little nicer via electroplating lol don't know why i suddenly had that in mind. XD

I guess since everyone is sick of snow, it is my time to shine~! XD

is snow pretty or what! and yes, that was really how empty the road was =/

of course during christmas morn, i went to church. because even though i am spiritually quite ahem unspiritual, i still greatly keep my faith :) can you see baby Jesus on the cradle at the altar? :)

Church allllll alone why does this sound so familiar!

OH! i know! because i used to date a muslim =( ok stop it sarahjane stop talking about this!

it was really special though, Christmas mass. This place thingie is where the priest reads the gospel, alla vatican style~ so spesiele wulala~ and during consecration, the priest doesn't face the congregation wulala~

wonderful pipe organ.

did i tell you about the one time i played the organ to the tune of AMEN FROM HELL hahahahahaha as chriss calls it!

I was the organist that day (by force) lol because my church doesn't have enough organists. Anyway the time came for me to play the AMEN for one part and the notes were apparently full of sharps or flats i forgot which, there were like 6 of them or smth wtf and other organists would usually transpose them, meaning they would remake the notes in such a way they'd sound the same only consisting of easier notes. But my oh my was i lazy, and i thought it was so short i couldn't possibly screw it up but oh yes i DID!

OMG! that was the worst moment of my life. cause my fingers got tangled up and pressed wrong keys and the whole congregation swept their faces to look at me theatrically with full force WHOOSH and the priest glanced once at me and paused while i tried to hide my head behind the organ thank God i am short!

FUH! chriss said all hell broke loose ahahahaha cause my tune was so OFF! but in my defence, i don't actually play the organ ok, i play the piano! so it's not my fault i couldn't make a lastminute impromptu save ok! anyway enough *stoned*

the crib awwww

here ya go , more snow!

:) mememememee

i LOVE this christmas tree.

Oh yes a few days back i went for this christmas caroling service thing with caro and matt.

Speaking of caroling, did i tell you about the one time i held a candle too close to me i actually burnt my hair! HAHAHA so silly. I was oblivious to it can you imagine, and someone actually said "wooh! bau ikan bilis!" hahahaha and i still didn't know until i went to the toilet and realise my hair had like pieces on it and seemed awfully shredded and weird. XD

Anyway this is a band :) LOVE! They are awesome. There's a video at the most bottom for all my band friends!

kid choir~ they are awesome too.

this caroling service was mostly just performances and a few sing-a-longs. but i really enjoyed it because i used to go caroling all the time as a little girl wheeeeee!~ and any resemblance to carols make me real happy :)

this is caro and her nice long silky hair

this is matt lol i kept laughing at him while he was singing cause he seemed so serious about it hahahahaha so funny

this is the ceiling of the manchester town hall. it has like names of places in europe on it.

this is just pretty

next, i spent christmas day itself with fang and parva. my friends from china and nepal respectively!

it was a small get together just to not be alone on christmas day since my hall was just, deserted.

:) fang and parva!

parva and her awesome cooking skills. she can cut tomatoes in her hands! wtf wtf wtf i am in awe! i need the chopping board and i need err 8-10minutes =/

food

me and... rice.

i like her shirt so kawaii

oh sorry for the bad quality of photos. used my phone camera. (with reference to my previous entry) i was walking to parva's place quite late and it was dark and if i were to be mugged i didn't want them to take my camera so i didn't bring it. how insightful!

and nobody would rape me anyway cause i have my period. wtf. oh yes! period is here. sooooo effing late! like half a month late! am i losing my fertility!

yarabi what bad quality photo.

It was fun at parva's place. we ended up dancing random nepalese dance moves and watching korean drama entitled Oh My God lol quite funny.

Anyway i need to wash up my cooking utensils goodbye now xoxo

band video~

From Ewings

It's Christmas Day, well it's counted Christmas since it's supposed to last 12 days but hmm by right it's Boxing Day today, the day all them shopaholics get down to biznez~

Manchester is really REALLY empty. Ok well not manchester, but where i am is so darn empty! Walking down the streets feels really eerie cause its snowing and it gets dark like at 3.30pm all the way up till 9.30am and there is no freaking body and if someone mugs you, you can't run away or you'll slip and break your spinal cord and get paralysed omg! but then again he(mugger) probably wouldn't mug you either unless he's a pro skiier OR maybe! he has a car and he could just ram you over and while everyone is home making toasts by the fireplace, you are just left there to bleed your neck off while the squirrels by the trees feed off your remains.

Sigh.

I am bored. I am in my room. To be honest i'd much rather be home than shopping because i couldn't be bothered stepping out into the cold just to fight among heated crowds for cheap ass merchandises. Bloody cheap day! *sour grapes*

I've been doing some christmas cleaning up and have been in a very reflective mood. Wonder why, wonder why.

Life is so lonely sometimes but sigh, i am such a sucker for peace and quiet i am just letting it seep through me and deep down, i actually really love it.

Sounding more and more like a masochist each and everyday. Good job sarah jane *pats hard enough it hurts* XD

This year, spiritually, i am focusing more on Christ as the Word, rather than Christ as the Son. See at times it is quite hard to decipher how Christ is actually the Son and God at the same time, but if you have a think from the perspective of Christ as the "Word made flesh"(God's big idea made human), you might actually come to realise that the message of Christmas and of Christ's coming is actually love, as that big idea was a beginning of saving and of new life which then ended again in love.

Blessed Christmas dear readers. Hope you are having the time of your lives wherever you are :)

My title is my room block name. XD Quite weird right. Ewings.

The Eve of Christmas Morn

HELLO!

I have returned from barcelona with a pretty tan!

=/

I wish.

Weather wasn't all that much warmer. First day was about 5 degrees and the days slowly got warmer as my fever slowly got better.

Anyway pics from barcelona being uploaded as! we! speak! But fer now, it's good to be home. My, it's christmas tomorrow! and zomg. i was greeted with 99 facebook notifications after being gone for 4 days =S

More on barcelona next time! This entry is about the Dalton Ellis Christmas Dinner!

tried to ambik gambar of hair wth hahaha but then i let my hair loose after that cause i couldn't find the specific "kiap" i wanted.

baobao

adam southgate and his pretty girlfriend's back XD

setting

pei and i.

starter

couple of 5 years. still amazes me how people can do it =/

our table! with tamiko init! for my japanese-crazed friends :p and half of jerrold XD

vegetable

turkey and sausage wrapped in bacon

pretty honey

dessert, which i thought was chocolate but wasn't. =/

Overall quite limited variety of food. Oh yes there were also oranges, gingerbreadmen and minced pies but i wasn't bothered to take pictures because i had test the next day and wanted to go nerd =.=

Ok well i'm exhausted. I came back home with a nice surprise in my room! Thanks caro for the card which you slipped under my door, how thoughtful of you!

Not to mention the smses from the puak. Love you guys more than words can say.

It's going to be a lonely christmas without family. But what it comes down to in the end is how it feels inside. With or without my family present, they have given me almost everything i need in my life. I feel like for Christmas 2009, I'd like to toast to love. Love among friends, love in my personal life, love from God, love in itself.

Thank you God, for love.

Have a loving Christmas eve everyone as you anticipate tomorrow's holistic bundle of love =)

Farewell Sem1, Farewell Snow in Manchester

So semester 1 has finally come to an end. Felt like a rush and felt like such a waste to not want it to feel like a rush.

And i, am going off to barcelona tomorrow to meet some hot spanish guys (as pris mentioned) and say Te Amo to all of them, since that is well, the only thing I can say.

And i, even in the gladness of my heart that this stress is finally seeming to halt or more accurately giving me recuperation time only to haunt me later (GAH), am still in apprehension as to why my body seemingly feels bereft of gladness.

In english, that means I am awfully sick.

I have fever. Cough. Sorethroat. An awful lot of phlegm. The need to down medicine everyday.

I also did not experience menstruation this month, which could only mean (in the psychological sense) that i was way more stressed/tired than I imagined, as I have (in a biological sense) fulfilled every requirement for a girl of age 19 to bleed endlessly (= no naughty time).

Not only is my psychological self screwing me up (literally) wtf hahahahahhahaha it also screws up my dreams and i just woke up from a... nightmare =/

Why more nightmares when life is a nightmare already!

And ah, finally that the streets of manchester are sleeted white in greetings for a very merry christmas, I am too sick inside out to bother to bask in it. Will thou, snow be gone by the time i return from sunny barcelona?

Absolutely Absolute

Absolute error, you are absolutely out to get me aren't ya?

Bloody shit error! #$&^%*$&%#*$%&#$*%$^(*#$&%$^*#@%*

8 pages of absolute error calculations in my handwriting! AND TO BE TYPED OUT using the laptop. I just only realised technology is so undeveloped when I have to subscript this and that over and over and over and over and overrrrrrrr

Eyes on the prize sarah jane.

Deadline : TOMORROW : 4PM : FORMAL LAB REPORT : x% : LOL don't know how much XD all i know is that (100-x)% approaches 0.

:(

Emo makan mi maggi. Bila stress, makanlah mi maggi sambil mengefacebook!

Mi maggi and facebook, wanna pay me? ;)

Sigh stress messing with my brain.

Oh sweet mama of the apes! i just made an error in my error! Mayday Mayday! Recalculate!