Bad ass

I skipped lecture today. I skipped tutorial today. I skipped skipped skipped around manchester today. I am gonna skip lecture tomorrow. I am gonna skip PBL tomorrow.

I am bad ass! I am bad ass! I am bad ass!

*moons*

FML for being so torfuckingmenting.

Surrealism

I had the most fantastic dream.

Ran around playing hide and seek with my sis and bro looking for a friend. Ran around an apartment filled with carpet and fluff with the laundry basket on the ceiling while i jumped up to release the basket handle to check if my friend was there. Checked every nook and cranny jumping in and out of corners while opening the ceiling top popping my head out to find her.

Further ran out to the window only to see my other friend on a bicycle on a roof in the snow. Turning slowly, he grinned, accidentally pushing off another friend who lay on the roof top while she slid down in laughter eventually laying on the blanket of snow.

Oh how i miss being happy, carefree, living as though everyday were not an effort.

Snow for Michael!

Previous entry will remain private for now. I will let you guys know when I am ready to share the decryption key. You can email me for it then, but not now :) Sorry.

Mr Gingerbread man which is still half-eaten from christmas =/ His eyes look like lizard shit D:

Oh yes, food here doesn't get spoilt easily because the air is not humid and not fully bombarded with bacteria. And they don't masuk angin as quick either.

Anyway this entry is dedicated to my little brother michael because mom asked me to let him see snow cause he likes it LOL che show him la XD

futile attempt to capture nicely the ice bits off the frost

Mr Snowman, the fruit of his labour XD

he did most of the work while i took pictures and went to the bath tub to soak my feet in hot water for like 10minutes before coming down again

the sakura tree i always stalk lol

AWW! kawaii! and incredibly deformed! lol.

I'll have you know it's quite difficult to make a decent snowman for first timers ok. Rolling the snow is so hard because the snow is heavy and cold and shaping the snowman takes forever *yawn* i'd rather abandon ship/snowman

which i eventually did...

till it was time for me to take a picture with it.

lol of course i need a picture. i am fortunate i get to see snow *stays in room all day to avoid snow*

oh look his hair hath merged with the sky

father and daughter. in correct order HAHAHAH

chocolates which kept me sane throughout exam period. Not that my definition of sane actually means sane =/

Oh yes! two days ago a few of us malaysians went to have a korean dinner. yummy! Joey, i know you'd love the food!

We ordered spify tofu chige, chicken bi bim bap, seafood and kimchi pancake, noodles and meat? forgot the rest of the names xD

I didn't take much pics cause too hungry hahaha

A random dessert in my hall which isn't that good and i have no idea why i'm blogging about it

Taiwu buffet with parva !

and fang!

ice cream :D

accompanied him to get his haircut. omg i look like a swollen mother who hasn't showered in 10 days.. but.. nevermind XD

arthur's birthday! We got him some handcuffs and he was "ARUBA"-ed. Aruba is a tradition where we carry the birthday boy, spread his legs and ram him into a pole/door/bottle/anything that can fit.

Such pleasure HAHAHAHAHA

Had some bailey's on the night and many people came. Good fun.

Me in golden form XD

The end!

I love you michael mark che daddy mommy and me XD

Results out in 1 day. Please still love me?

Dalmatian

Show encrypted text

UH

I love utada hikaru!

She was never my preference in the past cause firstly i always thought she was struggling with singing english lyrics as everyone knows from her first big hit First Love. Secondly, i always thought she looked a lil fat and tranny-like. hahaha i am too shallow.

But sigh, recently after her new haircut and her slimming down and after youtubing her stalkerishly i think i am in love with her! Her hair screams couture. And she speaks wonderful english in the american accent what the hell was First Love trying to do!

And even though First Love had weird english most people still loved the song anyway.

My favs are Come Back To Me and Apple and Cinnamon. Her lyrics are very shallow though, and are kind of very repetitive VERY XD but me like :)

She has a sugary voice (like hillary duff PHAIL) but she still pulls it off because her talking voice is raspy and it can be heard at certain parts, though there are some atrocious covers on youtube =/

My genres of interest have shifted significantly. I used to love rock. So much! Like deftones and bloodsimple and a bit of killswitch engage and slipknot omfgoat. But now i prefer r&b. Basically random r&b tracks from anyone.

R&B FTW!

Sigh such a random and aimless entry.

And my title comprises of utada's initials.

doesn't it sound like a grunt.

OH WELL, BEATS MINE SJC SEKOLAH JENIS CINA XD

and i can't even speak proper chinese wth.

Dragon love

To start off, I must say that majority of these pictures are from Parva's camera and the first picture is from Tseyui's camera. Credits to them! And for a good reason! Reason being, I don't like blending in hehehe ie, when people snap away i choose to unsnap away.

Another example was when i saw this to-die-for zara skirt and tried on my size and it didn't fit and i got depressed T_T and walked out and two friends asked me how it went and the damsel in distress(me) so theatrically sighed and told them the story of atrocity of which they took lightly and decided to try the skirt in a size bigger seeing they're about my size!... which then made me want to try it too because omg who knows if i fit the bigger one and look like a freaking STAR! *jumps to the moon* But after much thought i refrained from trying. Why? You guessed right! Cause once someone in my circle wants it, i just refuse to get it no matter how badly i want it! Never blend in ;p

Example 2, in primary 6 lol this guy was known to like my friend but i secretly had a crush on him because he played this song on a musical instrument which i fell in love with which i then heard another day from the radio of a neighbour's house and realised it was fate XD and one fine day we all went out together but this guy swept me me away from the crowd to confess to me to my surprise. Even though i liked him more than strawberries off popsicles i lied and said i didn't like him SIGH. And in the end my friend came to know about his feelings for me (probably from him, or maybe she guessed it cause women have amazing sixth sense i tell you) but she probably didn't know i liked him because i have the sixth sense to overcome womenly sixth sense, makes sense? ;) ...but the fact that i rejected shows i am the most sacrificial being ever, at least i'd like to think that =D

anyway this was the huge crowd that gathered for the cny gathering we had. that's me with the red dress and tilted head talking to mike :)

it was a potluck dinner thing, one person was supposed to bring one dish. i can't cook to save a life of a man dying from hunger by the street so i ended up supposedly making jelly with matt and claiming it to be my dish! ;) strategic?

this is the yu sheng. A bunch of.. stuff. it's a traditional cny dish. hmm i liked the salmon.

whoever reaches the highest with their fork gets the most luck, apparently. To be honest i never did the ceremonial yu sheng thing all my life apart from the one time in kl when i was at miriam's place :)

this is mike, look at those eyes *gasps*

he said he was gonna bring vimto and he asked if it was ok before he came and i had to google vimto. and it said, "a purple soft drink originated from the UK". makes perfect sense now why i've never heard of it in my entire life, it looks just like ribena doesn't it. i like ribena better, probably why we actually have ribena in malaysia.

me and caro! nyamnyamnyam

girl from malaysia, nepal and china.

fangfang is so adorable omg!

qian from china. she's in my PASS group and all this while i was fooled to believe her name was hui sue because i just guessed from the PASS list since i knew she was chinese.

Oh yeah sometimes i guess all Lee's are chinese too but they turn out to be local. Like pamela lee anderson. awesome.

:)

dragon and a couple whose love no longer burns aflame, come on dragon work your magic lol LAME

hottest(literally) thing i've ever french-kissed.

Sorry exbfs XD

Unformed

I have this dream.

Every now and then this absent-mindedness manipulates the heart, trafficking fortifying illusions around while the ingratiation of self yet again leaves a better fraction incredibly pristine for the purpose of a boost to the peak of the pyramid.

Never in my life do i ever wish to sit in weak allowance for the aforementioned behaviour to blur away the glistening image i stack deep within the ever pulsating, so very essence of my being. Naively enough these wishes overrun by accident, leaving me in lisping decision-making whilst i strut on, dragging my feet to a rhythm i recognise to embody optimistic choreography.

Contrariwise, always in my life have i envisioned an ending so churning i would skip ten pages from where i am from to keep the spectacular determination for a happiness only i would clearly gather while the pieces though yet frail do i then hold in solid strength for appeasing the glorious light i render dear in my own spoilt photograph of pure and explicit want.

Because of my habits people call reckless, i find myself in just the very manner. Substantial thrills contain me while bollards linked in ultimate chains crash down upon situation after situation, misleading me while they grab every opportunity to serve as imposter. I fly off, with a belief i am stronger than this.

In me lies this accumulated desire to hold on to the beauty of knowing my dreams as they are and stepping over myself to go fetch. In me exists a beautifully collaborated collection of confusion as i take on each day feeling as though the little bit of myself that once upon a time flew away was really never mine had the past could have been more reflective of the present.

Painfully everybody endures all they can for a living. Sometimes i lose my way in failure to acknowledge that everybody endures all they can for me.

This fervent hope refusing to go out, might as well have gone out. This sanguine optimism simply has no foundation let alone effusive invites in such shaky ships but through forceful journeys have i proceeded to discover it is safe to be free, and safe to gain respect and pride in the things i would encounter, acquire and become.

Having believed every trial impedes for a reason, i now choose not to constantly stare blankly at visions, goals, wondrous travels, lives of sorrow enclosed in envelopes barely keeping the masks of joys and utter peace intact of which i always seemed to have a tremendous yearning for.

I may still be the same person but through every dire shrill that cuts through this sombre silence lies that same tool that breaks me down inside out and builds me up to follow in the footsteps of newness.

So i have this dream.

And this dream is to believe it is one yet unformed.

Vulnerable

I hate vulnerability. I am allergic to it.

Sometimes pretending i don't have any makes me have more than i actually possess.

If there is anything i'd like right now it would be the ability to accept all my vulnerabilities.

February Babies

A couple more birthday wishes.

Happy belated birthday Shirah! Totally dig your white clubbing dress woohoooo. Miss you babe, all the time we talked about life in general, and all the times you inspired me with how you often visited the library to get your work done while pris went to pool, shuwen went to COD and i went home to sleep hahahahah. Wishing you all the best. Hopefully we will get to meet up again :)

Happy belated birthday Ah Goh. Awesome past we shared hahaha not going to publicise it here but i am gonna mention it involved a lot of me running around a shopping mall XD and i still keep the birthday present you gave me if you still remember it. I know you bought it from Parkson cause i saw it there! HEHE. Wonder how you're doing there as we hardly keep in touch but you are not forgotten!

Happy belated birthday Jackie Sim Teck Kee. The one person i can go to for neutrality, love and straight forwardness all at once. You have been so much to me, the thoughts in my head, a home in foreign land, everything that opened my mind to how to be at ease with diversity. Even as life takes over, never will i forget you jack. Hoping your journeys are smooth and continually evolving in adventurous manners. In 10 years when we meet we might be changed people from how we are now but your deeds are always with me. Thank you, best friend.

Happy birthday baobao. I cannot tell you how lonely i was when i first got to manchester and you were always there just to listen to my problems even though at times you couldn't relate because you seemed so happy partying every day lol. But i am gonna miss you when you move out of this hall because no one's gonna come down to dinner with me and listen to me whine about shit that happened in my miserable life lol. But i am positive we will be in touch.

Happy birthday in advance benny pun! Fun dude who gets drunk after 2 shots! A pleasure meeting you and your mom this year. Looking forward to more outings, more meals, more jokes and laughter with you. May you be granted longetivity and prosperity from Buddha and please continue to pray for me especially during my exams cause i will pray for you during yours even though we believe in different gods XD

******

Friendship. At times it gets difficult for me to treasure someone because i am too preoccupied in my problems that i lose sight of how nice people can be in their own way. I love my friends. At times i may fail to keep in touch because to be honest i hate msn. (secret's out!)

Yes that is why you never see me online but i actually appear offline and chat with some people and my excuse is that i have tons of people adding me who are "friends of friends of friends" and sometimes the conversation gets so pointless it just ends up with LOLs and HEHEs and OMGs and THAT'S NICE and repeat! The only times i appear away/busy (never 'online') is when i need to discuss some lab work or pbl question or when i choose to chat with people who don't know i like to appear offline so that i can skip the part where i need to explain when they ask why i'm appearing offline.

And sekali busy/away oh mak engkau habis msn window aku penuh berblinking hahaha sounds so perasan but it's true ok!

But anyway after telling people i appear offline, my other friends started doing that too, so don't look at me with that scowl ok! You face it too don't lie!

Sometimes i am busy and even though my status is busy/away friends of friends of friends still chat up and i feel bad ignoring them too and shoving them with excuses like i'm busy so it's better to be invisible right or not! And besides i don't really appreciate multi-tasking because i like to chat better when i'm giving my full attention to friends hence why i handpick them at my own pace.

Don't get me started on facebook, i've got 186 friend requests to approve which i don't reject because i wait for them to put up a clearer picture to see if i can recognise them, which they do sometimes and which then leads me to approve them.

I get the occasional messages too:

"Hi im Karu. im 19 and im still single .im tired of beating around the bush and getting nothing but insects ha ha .so ill go straight to the point. i shall no longer be a shy and sensitif guy cause that has got me no where and made me a nobody but well, nobodys perfect .if i like u, ill tell u .so i hope you would do the same.and yes i do like your first impression i mean you ha ha . ok the thing is im trying to make facebook a place to find special friends instead of just normal friends so forgive me if it sound or looks weired."

"i know im a stranger to u

its just i wanted to say that u r really pretty but im not here to give u like bare pik up cheesy lines cs that is not what im about

i just thought it would be nice to get to know ya as every1 dus deserve a chance, was hoping i can get one of u wud that be a possiblity"

***

If by any chance you guys are reading this from the link in my facebook profile, then sorry i do not add strangers because i suffer from mild paranoia but i am sure there are girls out there who would. If you want to know me you can just read my blog and we can get to know each other here because blog content is easier for me to control compared to facebook. But once you read about all my complexities here i'm not sure you would think i am so pretty anymore HAHAHA. Have a nice day.

Karu, i almost added you because of the insects part, so funny, sounds just like me HAHAHA but on second thought i have enough of me anyway XD

Thank you dear friends whoever you are for every tiny thing you have done for me. From the bottom of my heart, I am grateful.

PS : Next time remind me not to stare too obviously at the men with rippling abs and HUGE ARMS at the gym. (one of them caught me staring) o.O *blushes deep vermillion*

Let me fall

It's October again

Leaves are comin' down

One more year's come and gone

And nothing's changed at all

Wasn't I supposed to be someone

Who can face the things that I've been runnin' from

Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

I become much too good

At being invincible

I'm an expert

At play at safe and keep it cool

But I swear

This isn't who I meant to be

I refuse to let my life

Roll all over me

Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

I wanna be somebody

I, I wanna be somebody

I wanna be somebody

I, I wanna be Somebody

Who can face the things that I've been Runnin' from

Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived...

It's October again

Leaves are comin' down

One more year's come and gone

And nothing's changed at all.