Tell a Jerk What You Think

this, was what's been missing. i'm only twenty-two. only, twenty-two. don't grow up too fast sarah jane, only to realise that the safe comfort zone you grew accustomed to holds within it secrets so stealthy that they turn out worse, way worse, than outright recklessness.

so be reckless, be spontaneous, be everything you've always wanted to be.

you're only twenty-two once.

you only live once.

The Last

To heal thy lonely heart
thy needeth to inspire and be inspired
for the depth in which thy heart transcends to plunge
is only as deep as the love it crumbles into
in baring thee to an emotion so pure
as thou discovereth thy ever lonely heart
to be healed and reinvented once more.

psalm 513

Procrastibullshitting

COWABUNGA

how is everyone doing, surviving i hope!!! i was feeling pretty shit the last few days, miserable with uni work, exhausted, fatigued, mrs grumps, bleeding, panicky, basically all the adjectives to describe a worn out pms-ing bitch (:

i still am actually but am feeling a little better thanks to my trusty ol' starbucks! i'm in there every other day, such that the new barista, who's been there only a week, came up to me and told me she noticed i'm here a lot. hahahaha it's cuz it's my 2nd home sista welcome to the fam ! x

one of the baristas also noticed my absence throughout the summer whilst i was back home in malaysia and that was a stunning moment for me and my asian roots LOL because you know what they say, all asians look the same :p must be the eyes (or lack thereof). so for him to have recognised me and even notice my ABSENCE made me well proud, i shall now stand tall (try as i might) !

i am bullshitting really, i need to stop procrastinating and get on with my work rahrahrah 

this is a picture of me camwhoring whilst distracted. there's a lot more where that came from :p

nevertheless i do hope everyone's holdin' up alright whatever profession it is you undertake. i'm currently working on a family law essay and an employment law essay. not gonna lie, these essays are harder than i thought they would be. last i felt such tough work was when i was at work and given a 6 page assignment, needing to juggle finishing that off and working for an associate. those were fun times though, i'd give up my student life for a working environment simply because a real-life non-hypothetical situation brings a lot more to the table in my humble opinion.

i just don't want to shut up really and get on with work so i'm gonna stay here a bit longer :p

what's new what's new, BAR school applications are open and i'm gonna have to start applying for that. a whimsical side of me would love to stay in london for that but at the same time i can't be all that selfish because dad's been sponsoring my education and an extra year really is quite costly. and we all know london is killer expensive and fancy and just... wonderful. i'd love to be there truly.

other than that, i've quit partying for now. i should probably upload my party photos on here sometime soon-ish. had a blast but then got ill and had to rest up missing one of the halloween parties! why i oughta! my immune system is horribly weak and i really need to do something about that. i got some bloody (literally) throat inflammation and coughed out blobs of blood! for fucks sake i need a care-taker like a legit nurse and my own personal health certified chef!

nah i'm just kidding ;) i'm perfectly fine taking care of myself. i actually quite like it. i feel free, emotionally free, from any bondage (not that kind of bondage silly) and i feel many levels of liberation.

i really should go now but thanks for reading. you must really love me for reading till this point.

i love you too.

now let's hope a world of love gets me through my deadlines, here's to wishing you get through yours.

*clinks wine glass*

speaking of which, i really need a night out in an LBD sat on a high chair just sipping a martini.

xoxo

sj

Stereo-Atypical

I've decided to put together a list of 10 of my most favourite tunes of all time :

1 Blink 182 - I Miss You
2 Muse - Undisclosed Desires
3 Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
4 John Mayer - Free Falling
5 Team Sleep - Ever
6 Mutemath - All or Nothing
7 Good Charlotte - We Believe
8 The Fray - Why
9 Stereophonics - I'm Alright
10 The Japanese Popstars - Shells of Silver

Just so you know me better. Every song encapsulates a part of me within it, in no particular order.This could be our autumn mix (: we'd be listening to the same music at the same time whilst we go about our busy lives!

Life is pretty hectic for me at the moment, but i will be back soon x

Edited :
Added an extra 5 because 15 is a nicer number (: (my likings for oddities) 

11 The Cure - Pictures of You
12 Coheed and Cambria - Wake Up
13 Foo Fighters - Best Of You
14 Jack Johnson-Bubble Toes (edited)
15 Helen Stellar - Temporary Solutions

 my idea of an artistic photo :-)

Much love,
sj

Honest Voice

So i'm sitting here on my bed just watching time pass me by.

I love it in here, spacious. I love how my bedside table is finally beside my bed. I love the furry detailing atop the black Victorian rails. I love the duvet and the flowers, and the candles, and the perfumes. 

I guess i've forgotten what it's like living like this, an orderly life, one of peace and calm, cleanliness and beauty. 

If there was ever one thing on my mind it would have to be how quickly things change and how complicated things really are than what meets the eye.

If i could turn back time, if i had known, if clarity had been mine then.. if's.

But there are no if's.

the only if's that exist are the ones that don't involve us. because those personal ones, those that ruminate in your mind over and over, they are gone. they never happened and they never will.

those that involve others, you could perhaps call your expectations. but that doesn't mean they will ever happen either. so don't hold your breath. exhale slowly, and live life based on what you know, you and you alone.

the only thing i truly know, right here, right now, is that i am aware. of the every picture frame depicting the every, possible, person i can be.

a party animal, wild and reckless, tempted, playful, boozy, fun.

the angry child, the goth at halloween, the metal, the searing pain, the nightmares, the walkway to my past.

the vulnerable, needy, clingy, sad, moody, mopey little, little girl.

the bimbo, vain, giggly, all the ♥'s, all the fanciepantiies, the self-reduction, all to feel an easy ready-made happiness.

the strong, witty, lawyerly, opinionated feminist, independent, often disbelieving of anything.

the dreamer, the idealist, musically-inclined, sensitive, compassionate, caring, staunch. 

every single bit of it is me, and until i can seem to patch them up into one whole package and get them in sync, i will never truly know what i am capable of

perhaps being too much of a single version at several periods of my life has made me lost sight of the others, perhaps that is why i have always found refuge in absolutely different people. very different, verging from one end of the spectrum to the other. 

i don't claim not to know me. i claim to want to be brave, to reveal every single side to every single person. until the day i do, i won't know for sure what remains to be real for me, and what simply doesn't.