Life doesn't prepare you for your 30s.
It's that time of your life where you're playing the Game or you've resigned to being outside of the Game, peering into its circle and judging everyone within it.
Nobody tells you how isolating it is, whether you're the former, or the latter.
The Game includes marriage, investments, children, a booming career, if you're lucky, awards, recognition and pride, travel, a shiny social media account, and the list goes on.
Being outside the Game involves countless failed dates, that house you bought which you actually really hate, being held back from a promotion, envious comparisons across social media and the judgement of your peers for their life choices to feel better about your pace - you judge others from every angle - from how ugly their spouses are, to how small the square ft of their purchased homes.
You look to your friends for guidance, validation and comfort, but your closest friends are really just devoted to their families, caring for spouses or children - they're not really playing the Game with you and if they are, it's touch and go - you touch on things briefly and then you go on your own way and live your respective lives, never to speak of it again.
Your family is the greatest support you have, coming at you from the purest of intentions, but with a perspective of 30 years past, where problems of today aren't quite the same as problems faced then. You try your hardest to make them happy, to appease them while assuring them, as you balance on yourself the load of the Game alongside the load they unintentionally pile on your shoulders from the weight of their opinions.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be where I am, in and out of the Game, steering whilst being steered, accelerating through a menial to-do list whilst abruptly hitting the brakes on many major others, but it is a mountain of emotion to navigate.
This is where the sense of Self emerges - this is where you call on it for support. You are capable, you know your deepest heart's desires, and you are everything you need to be - you're the Queen on these checkered tiles, you're the bright yellow gem on level 100.
My 20s were more turbulent, yes this is true, but the lows were lower and the highs were higher.
In this place I am coursing through a path of commitment conundrums, anxious adulting, phony pleasantries and wild expectations; all the while being a person who never lived guided nor principled by any of those things.
Look up, buttercup. Look beyond the empty prized possessions and keep your eyes fixed on the strength of your intuition.
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