I Walk This Empty Street, On the Boulevard of Brightened Dreams

Hello! Hello!

Blogging from singapore!

from a hotel! hahaha i'll be here for the next two weeks on my own. I'm half eating now and half drinking my KOI :) i'm here for work actually and for a short holiday :)

Anyway i think my readership has declined to a point of no ascent already LOL 

like cos i really haven't been blogging regularly. i post more facebook photos though! so you can add me on there but please put your own picture as your dp so i can identify you easily!

Anyway i really like it here (: I can see why most of my singaporean friends studying overseas always anticipate coming home. I mean WHY NOT RIGHT? the place is safe, green, organised, with SMART infrastructure and with a hint of culture in certain areas like chinatown and little india. 

Oh Oh

not to mention fashionable. have you been to scape? like the street strollers are all so hot and bold in their statements i've fallen in LOVE. 

nowadays when i walk at night I DONT HAVE TO CLASP MY BAG close to my breast wtf

i was quite uncertain about the trees at first so i asked the taxi uncle, eh, uncle, if got so many trees the casualty rate stemming from road accidents should be quite high isn't it? because trees like those easily kill.

and he was like, oh, we don't have that many accidents here. 

i cannot get over it. sorry if i sound damn sakai hahahaha but i haven't been to singapore in like 10 years or so. and the last time i was here i only explored orchard and i remember vomiting in a hotel bed from getting a viral fever hahahahahah

and the infrastructure is smart because even with scarcity in land the city accommodates the growing population, exploring properly everything above ground and below ground, integrating everything together so well. i just find it really clever.

but that is not the point of this blog entry.

:)

actually there is no POINT per se hahahaha

but what inspired me to blog anyway is how i feel about how my life has become of late.

i used to always mope about a lot of things. and i just didn't understand how NOT to mope. because truly, life offers a lot of mopeable things :p such that sometimes they cannot be contained. i used to refer to myself as the MOPHEAD lol because i was such a bloody moper

and i still mope lol

but i've come to a point in my life where i've decided to do something to change that, ok not change lah but to make certain MINOR ALTERATIONS 

i admit applying to a law firm here wasn't something i've been planning for for very long. i just decided i'd try it out and i am truly grateful for the exposure. aren't the spontaneous things in life the best sometimes? they certainly can be. 

it wasn't all easy though i had to do some convincing to get my hands on this opportunity because i don't have any connections here (hence why i'm staying in a hotel charging 130 SGD a night) LOL

anyway, i used to always complain about the ways in which i should improve myself as a human person. and deep down inside i've always wondered if i'd ever get there. sometimes i set unrealistic goals such that they turn into burdens and the more i envision them in my head, the less of that ideal person i become.

but as of now, i am so glad that i've packed my bags and just pushed my little excuse of a butt, that i made some use of myself, and tried out working in two firms for the summer. i am so glad that i can take the train, walk in my heels, carry a big ass red bag containing finished/unfinished work, and walk, focused, and in reflection of my own life. 

i am so glad that i've found this independence i've yearned for for so long.

as most of you may know i just got out of a relationship not too long ago. and to be quite frank, i wasn't sure how miserable i'd be, whether i'd even know what it meant to walk alone on an empty path and to stand on my own two feet.

sure, it can easily be done if you think about it simplistically, but all the small stuff, like not having someone to go back to, not having someone to literally sit by you and listen when you complain about this and that, not having someone to automatically text when you need comfort, or simply not having that big rock who forever has your back. after two years of being in a relationship, these adjustments really did scare me quite shitless to be honest.

and after so long of relying on someone, i thought i die die cannot make it already. i die die gonna cry everyday and be some kind of chai ka eat chocolate and take long misery showers.

after all i'm known to be quite bimbotic. i'm known to be quite.... silly and airheaded. believe me it's not something i'm proud of. ESPECIALLY the fact that i have absolutely no sense of direction. (i have a legit excuse lol i used to have a big phobia of getting lost as a kid)

but i am really glad that i took a challenge, and that Singapore is here for me to do that. and the reason why i phrase it in such a way is because i feel like this opportunity to be here is not just for ambitious work purposes, but also for my entire wellbeing. i feel safe here, and it is the perfect place for me to be on my own, to test myself, to walk on my own aimlessly (or with aim depending on the time of day lol), to explore, without a boyfriend, without a man to guide me through everything. plus, the accent here is almost exactly the same as the malaysian accent so it's the best of home and a foreign land :)

being on my own, i've learnt more than just independence. i've known how to stfu. like literally. if you have no one there to hear all your crap, and to take all your shit, then all you have to do is learn to deal with it and get over it. and i can feel my mind align with my heart, as if to tell it that it has been such a clingy piece of mess, and it's time to be rational.

this entry is getting damn long hahahah i'm sorry

but yeah thank you Singapore you've been helping me so much and you don't even know it :)

i've truly been learning a lot about myself both here and in KL and i'm really really happy to be jotting down these words today, this summer, that i may remember the summer of 2012 as the summer i found..

..me (:

xoxo

sj

"but it's not that i'm heartless, i just find heartiness in a lone heart."

five stars on a flower for an illuminating summer 2012 (it's just henna) :) xx