Nihilism Annihilated

Exams are over everybodeh!!!! uhuh uhuh *chicken dance*

was a shit stressful period for me because for one, i went WIFOUT my coffee. yes you heard me, without it, for most of it. because i had weird nausea problems where i puked air everywhere i went, how attractive. i don't know if it's gastric or indigestion or just anxiety but it was horrid but i'm okay :)

exams were *shrug*, for lack of a better expression. let you know when results come out, or.. not. :p

i'm just glad i survived them, my first exam in the uk WITHOUT a boyfriend AND with shit health. more power to ya sj someday you're gonna conquer the world oh yeah baby come on come on

i'm exhausted, despite having been getting 8 hours of sleep (or more) everyday. i don't know what's up with me lately. but i'm ill you know, so i really have the inherent right to rest, if i do say so myself.

oh yes, we had jurisprudence today and i specifically chose the topic on nihilism because comparative religion struck my fancies BIG TIME baby a couple of years back, in a personal way. and for that reason i really REALLY wanted to make sense of my essay as i don't know, a sort of written letter of closure for that part of my life. but yeah that was quite some wishful thinking because i totally got lost in what i wrote head to tail top to bottom, my writing was total complete utter bollocks i don't even know if i would be able to make sense of what i've written if i were to read it now. i really should stop attempting to make hasty decisions based on some random forlorn bits of my life :S

lesson learnt. life is an experiment :p

catastrophic as it may be :p

i am full of shit :S

a picture of me with chopsticks in my hair from the time i decided to do a quick updo on a hot summery day. i really look like i'm embracing my asian roots, well i'm not japanese if that's what you're thinking. although i do have japanese readers (well i did). hajimemashite!

yay for huge ass pictures! this will be the size of my pictures from here on. this picture reminds me of the time  i just finished my exams in year 1 and pronounced the day Asian Appreciation Day!

hahahaha

and for those of you who want some mind fuck, i've dug out these entries from the time i was in the middle of that whole religion hoo-ha :)

Reason and Religion

The 10 minutes

No Boundaries, No Race, No Religion

TO THE SUMMER

and beyond :)

xx
sj

Be m u s e d.

Hey everybuddy, checking in here for a bit, taking a breather from hectic revision :)

i've been obsessed with this song of late by Muse :) it's not new or anything but i've only just come across it.

I do like Muse quite a lot, but i'm not into the whole Supermassive Black Hole craze (despite being an absolute sucker for twilight!!!! teehee). I appreciate a lot of their symphonies because I like to get lost in them. That would have to be my Motto for my taste in music, ie, to get lost in something.

So regardless of any genre be it rock metal alternative rnb hiphop (not so much) country (not so much too) soft rock indie jazz or even anything  in languages i don't particularly understand (Sigur Ros, Kpop, chinese), anything which whisks me away into some sort of trance (though not so much trance itself) takes me into a different place where thought transforms evanescent :)

Everytime someone were to ask me of artists i could solidly say i like i find myself somewhat stuck because there are so many singles in a wide range of genres that are so amazing that i don't find myself particularly entranced by a single artist (which can be a real pain when deciding on whether or not to attend gigs and concerts!)

i love Muse's Undisclosed Desires though, it has got to be one of my favourite songs (think i blogged about it before). anyway it's an awesome song!! :) i am particularly fond of the band's obsession with futuristic ideals and concepts, i think it can be mysterious and liberating.

"A day in a futuristic image floats regardless and the tranquility of oneness comes to recondition how an idealism had morphed into tragedy."-written here 

okay that is all, thank you for reading, i am going to try to revive this blog after the exams !! :) because i miss having this personal space of mine in the exploitation of my thoughts. plus i am going to be uber free after exams i don't see what else i can do :p

wish me luck for my final philosophy paper!!

and to the reader who once commented way back when i posed the question of what i ought to be studying, and answered with "philosophy", you're gonna have to be right, brownie points to you!

i do enjoy philosophy despite not being any good at it :p

ciaoz,

sj

"but i'm busy mending broken, pieces of the life i had before"

Oh Hai

harlow do you iz miss me?

AHAHAHAHA sorry been mia, exam period, have been studying and slacking and repeat!

hope things are great on your end and please lift me up in your prayers! blog properly some other time!

kthxbye *fleeting presence*

xx
sj =)

Shed to Shade

Today, I was feeling really out of it so i did something i haven't done in years. i went for a run :) for all the sadness and all the fear i ran towards it, and away from it. i ran to remember the times i had run off, storming out of pain, the times i had run off, feeling like i hadn't belonged. i ran to an olden abode, where the nights were long, where life was a mess, where i never got out of bed, losing a spirit a strength. i urged myself to keep fighting the wind that blew past me. i stopped to see the spots where olden memories had been, standing tall still, waiting for me. i said hello, took a mental picture, told them thank you and goodbye. i ran away, i ran the distance, i ran to stand under a tree, and another, and another. its beauty, i had almost forgotten. how could we live everyday and never stop to appreciate the beauty of a shady tree, to look through the spruces of each leaf, looking up, and above, where parts of the sky peeks through at you, whispering through the quiet language of a gentle breeze. i could stay there, and stay looking up for hours if i had time to spare. the tree with yellow leaves, it looked sickly, like it needed to shed a little leaf, grow a little more, but more importantly, be given time to change its phase. it was beautiful, to me.

i ran past the cemetery. how could i have stayed nearby for 2 years and not noticed the peace and sorrow those sacred grounds emit. i stood in silence and prayer, to tell the Lord they would want to be with Him. i ran away, and said goodbye. i felt the layers of me fall down to my toes, the masks, the polishes, the every sharp edge i carved to be a better and happier human being.

today, i felt my inner being feel at peace with everything that surrounded me. chances, circumstances, change.

today, i ran.