Leaps, Lofts, and Life

HELLO

how y'all doin!

i was supposed to blog about italy and my birthday along with all my pics but right now i just feel like typing in a blank white space (: this blog this blog, this blog, contains sooooo much information about me. i mean looking back at it, there was this one time, the air stewardess who checked my bags in for me found me here on this blog the next day and commented to wish me a safe journey!

and another time i met a guy in college who read my blog before introducing himself to me and when he met me in tuition class he wrote notes to me about my life! and we're still friends now, he called the other day!

i mean fun quirky interesting stuff happen to me because of this blog. i do wonder though if i will ever shut this down one day. i've been tempted to a couple of times but then my heart just starts to ache and then i chicken out hahahahahahaha

over a blog

chyah

i'm so sentimental over every little thing that i WANT to go back to our old house in holland one day to just peer at it from the outside and try to recall childhood memories (: and i was there like when i was a baby??! for a couple of years? and yet i'm still sentimental over it! i had a dream one time about playing about in this loft of some sort, i just knowwwww the house is calling out to me lolololol sentimentamania :p

my life is same old, i'm starting to dread going back to manchester though. i mean it's just so great at home! when you're sad or lonely or whatever not, you can just go hang out with your siblings! or play the piano! or go for a drive! (which i am getting better at btw WHEEE), or go for a swim (i plan to do that soon) and not be devoured by the cold

i love my life at the moment, i feel my spirit catching up with my core.

i feel like i finally understand a lot of things in life, like i'm at peace. with reference to my previous entry. hahahaha in case you all didn't already figure out "he" was "ME" wtf lol

sorry i like writing stuff like that. i guess that's just who i am. i appreciate artistry in the form of cryptic writing. it expresses the things i cannot bring myself to say in such accuracy, down the very last detail. it allows me to get lost in the head for a bit and then find my way back illuminated (:

anyway, i wonder how things will move from here. sometimes i like to be a step ahead of everything so i don't ever need to feel unprepared. it stresses. me. out. thoughts about internships and about the future and about my career and all those cuhrayzay stuff adults think about. oh lawdy have merceh

at the same time i wanna make sure i enjoy these last few years of my tertiary education, fun times don't come by so often anymore when you start working. or maybe they do, they just appear in different forms and substances (probably a lot MORE substances if you get what i mean) :p

so many questions in my head so many leaps ahead i want to take. but really, sometimes it's best to just take things slow (i mean that's what the priest told me when i went for holy confession, a very blair wardorf moment i must say) hahahahahhaah he told me that my life seemed to move in a really quick pace and he assured me that it's okay to chill out and take a breather.

precisely what i'm doing now, although i can't say the same for the thoughts in my head, they've always been a problem for me!! they whiff around like they aint got no mastah! i really love talking to priests by the way, i think they are ever so wise. and i kind of like the act of reconciliation, i think it is a really genuine, humbling experience. i go once in a while just when i feel like my life needs some cleansing haha guess i'm quite in touch with my spirituality.

what am i even talking about? i'm like jumping from one topic to the next. i should probably go to bed but i slept today from 3-7pm because i'm a monstrous napper monstrous. i love staying up late at night, there's just something so tranquil about the dark and the quiet.

but i'm running out of things to say.

i guess i'm just glad that everything has found its place somehow in my life despite the difficulty i've had to endure to get here.

thanks for reading guys, and goodnight.

much love,

sj

The Tipping Tiptoe

The expression swept across his face,
though swift it wipes away
as if tied to the hand-holding of every bygone,
skipping and prancing to a gust of wind as it carries with it leaves,
of auburn green and yellow, wafting across land after land, the sea after sea of an unknown time

ever tipped indeed it may have laid, upon either end of a tenuous scale,
greatness ever glorious while it tumbled unto a surface cushioned, so caressed with soft pasture,
to let go as though an anger once never known could so easily dissociate
dissociates
then nods to a freedom he knew to be so in tune,
so up top,
the hierarchy specifying the place of each known emotion

whilst a vulnerability so heavy and burdensome lay on the other end
dancing amid rigmarole after rigmarole, singing of the fleeting adages of our time,
where honey flow and dangers take off in peaceful acquiescence
the load arising into an atmosphere of hope and fortune
with its cost and its price only to ever take him back to it
the pointer,
asserting, postulating,
looking to apprehend, to perplex,
looking to mollify, to placate
tip it does tip it does


but alas the road not taken remains to be the road not taken
it lays bare awaiting the tiptoe of a traveller most timid
watching and gazing intently the trampling upon parasitical weed, upon delicate bluebell
of the alternative, muddy, forested, plane so vast
where wildflowers linger to be and to breathe

a plane of rescue
one of every convenience,
but attempt does it not to compensate the absence of a truer meaning
nor fulfil a depth so deep as the burrow collecting streams of still water
but it grows to be one in which there is time, and space
where he sits lackadaiscally
watching either direction and the every escape in between prove awry, 
colluding askew into endings uncertain to a point of tragedy
leaving to clarity only but a prompting, whispering to his stride 
as it responds bringing his sprint into a pace 

he strolls to find an arena known only by him to finally be devoid of capitulation
a secretway he never once believed, not in years, to substantiate
not a breath could have held it in place

but he exhales the tremors of the day
bygones be bygones indeed they were
thus he stays put
aware
and he finds ever within his very grasp
a peace as was promised him.

Derpina

So i was thinking of what to blog about and like what picture to plaster here in this space, but i came up with none. except this

which is pretty much what i do everyday, walk around carrying my sister's heffalump hahahahaha. i think i'm getting a bit lazy, slacker life catchin' up with me! but i really wanted to blog, like my hands itched to type, or maybe i'm just feeling a bit bored.

what to talk about what to talk about my life is so uneventful! i didn't even travel all through summer, which okay, lemme tell you this, i was meant to travel around europe before flying back to malaysia. but THEN i suddenly ended up without a boyfriend so yeah that plan flew out the window, and then my friends went to ibiza to partay!! and we all know how i feel about partying nowadays *dark* *shake in fear* *cusses silently at manwhores* *weepy* *feels violated* *rage*

for more information in gory detail refer here lololol

so like i chickened out and didn't travel OH NOOOOOOOS missed one free chance to travel. was a bit tempted to pack my bags and go on my own actually to somewhere nearby hahahaha like a loner because i'm FASCINATED by the idea, it tempts me. i always say i'm not street smart and i really am not, not in the slightest, but when i absolutely have to pull through, i come through!!! i do!!! so yeah if i weren't a girl with a rapeable vajayjay i might've actually entertained the idea, would be totally cool doncha think. i might still do it one day and be extra cautious (:

idk im a hermit like that!

strange!

but i love company too don't get me wrong, i feel surrounded by great peeps often (: during my exam period anyway, i woke up everyday to text after text, whatsapp after whatsapp of support and care and .. you guys.. what tremendous help you all have been to me i cannot express my gratitude :') 

oh yes have i mentioned that i really want to go to greece? well i really really really do. and to prague. greece probably with my girlfriends / with le sister, and prague probably with le mr someone special in the future

derp derp

*crickets chirp*

what sorcery hahahaha

anyway what else is there to say? i'm sorting out my plans for singapore i guess! for the internship! accommodation errands, work permit applications yada yada, and um important stuff like shopping for work clothes! i tweeted this the other day, okay so in kl (before singapore) i'll be staying in our kl condo and the first thing i wondered was whether or not there'd be a full length mirror HAHAHAHA *BIMBO ULTIMATUM* anyway that is IMPERATIVE for smooth work days. oh just listen to me. just listen to the shallow frivolities spewing out my plumpy lips.

well i am actually more authentically determined than this, but it's all in the inside, at times suspended and unable to reach optimum projection hahahaha (excuses). 

anyway yea mom said we have about a gazillion mirrors attached to closet furnitures and stuff so that won't be a problem. what WOULD be a problem however is the fact that i will be without wifi HOW WILL I SURVIVE!

i shall see. perhaps i'll spend my free days at starbucks. or connect to hotspot as sis has suggested. i'm kind of looking forward to the internships although i am at the same time a little jittery. what will they expect of me? what will they expect of this young petite little girl clomping around in her high heels (and at times trudging depending on the time of day and the amount of dissatisfaction made known to her by her bosses)

enough talk. i will survive because that is the ONLY thing we can ever do (:

so that's that. 

update again when the time comes :p

xoxoxo

sj